Not quite ready to be a mom yet. . . much too fond of sleep

Last night, I couldn't get to sleep till 3 am! Atleast! That was the last time I looked at the clock, so it was probobly latter, who knows. The thing was, I was REALLY tiered last night. You would have thought I would have no trouble, right?
I went to bed around 9ish, and I just laid there. I kept thinking of everything that was changing, and then that took me back to bad places of the past, and I started thinking of everything. I turned the tv on, just so I could let my mind wander, and lo and behold, the cooking channel was on. Half an hour went by, and not only was I not tiered, but now I was hungry!
So I got up, walked around the house, ate a few oreos, and went back to bed. This time, I turned off the tv, and went with the harry potter approach. I have read harry potter, like, 500 times, so its not like I have no idea what is going to happen, but still, I stayed up for an hour plus reading!
Two down, and still restless!
Matt came up then, and by that time, I had popped 2 sleeping pills, but I think the manufacturer had them mixed up with caffeen pills, because now I had twitchy feet!
You know, when they suddenly itch for no apperent reason?
It was horrible.
It was about 2, and I left our bed to go to the spare bed, did a couple sets of jumpping jacks, and went to bed.
It took forever, but I finally made it!
Just before I drifted off, I noticed that it was 3 o clock, and thought, "wow, most moms would be up right now, trying to calm some baby."
Then and there, I decided that I need my sleep for a few more years.
Ahhhh, precious sleep.

So many things are changing

About a month ago, I was bored. I decided to ease my bordem itch, I would redo my spare bedroom. Well, that set off a chain of crazy, not so bored events. They are as follows:
I went in and talked to my counceler at Metro. Turns out, I will be done in 2 years instead of 3. Yay!
My bosses at Target, the two that I love the most, are leaving! One is my direct boss, and she will be going to just a different department, but the other one is leaving the store all together. How dare he!
Again, my car!!!!! I hate not having a car, relying on people to give me rides. Plus, sitting next to weird people on the bus. YUCK
And the finally . . .
Matt was supposed to hear back from this company in Denver by today, IF they were interested. Well, they haven't called. So he went and interviewed for another company. They were so impressed, they are flying him out to Cicago for a second interview, but here is the catch: We would have to move to either Louisiana or Texas. Ahhh! It was hard enough moving from my little CO town to a big city, but leaving the state all together?
Humph.
I am excited to see parts of this country, but it will be hard for me to leave everything I know. I cried for a couple of minnutes after he told me, and I think it was because it was such a shock, and such a big change, that I didn't know what to do.
We have to go where the jobs are, but man, this is comming up quick!
God help us find a place to call home, surrounded with loving family and friends, wherever that might be.

Fighting for clarity

So, matt and I have been fighting alot lately, especially at night. I keep thinking bad thoughts, and he keeps wondering why I am so sad all the time and not willing to let it go. In my mind, it is kind of like a "well, duh!" But it is in his mind too.
A couple of things to keep in mind:
Observe the positive stuff. Not everything can be celebrated full out.
IF you think bad, then it will be bad. That includes everything.
Be sure to live life.
Don't pay attention to what a person says when they are angry. They might have thought it for a second, (as did I,) but they don't really mean it.
Accept "I love you".

Sunday Mornings

I wake up
7am.
Natures alarm clock.
I feel so fresh and alive.
Like waking up is
being born
all over again.
The sun is struggling against the horizon,
Making its way up into the new day.
It is streaming through clouds,
sending out its rays where ever it gets the chance.
It almost looks like the moon.
Branches reach up to the sky,
as if they
were praising God
for this wonderful day.
Their branches criss cross,
like hands held together in prayer.

To moms who inspire their daughters - its a great song

A good day

today was one of the best days I have had in a long time. At work, they had a vollunteer oppertunity to go help a childrens home celebrate valentines day. Kids there have been beaten, assulted, neclected and abused. Needless to say, they haven't really celebrated much in their lives.
But today was different.
Today, me and 3 co-workers requisitioned $50 worth of candy and went to meet other target employees who wanted to help throw the kids a valentines day party. We set up little game booths that they could play, and every kid got a prize; 2 peices of candy and a valentines day pencil. The booths consisted of face painting, (I got mine done too!) sack toss, ring toss, basket ball, and the best booth, hehem, was we gave them a little rubber ball and they tossed it into a mail box.
It was so much fun cheering and encoraging the kids on! Some kids didn't really know what to do with positive emotions, so they just kept their frown on, but I knew they appreciated it. Like Betty White said on The Golden Girls, "A frown is just a smile turned upside down!"
Some of the kids were really upset when their turn was up, but we just said, "You did so good, though! Now let this kid try!" And they took their candy and either watched the next kid, or walked away to find other stations to play.
The face painting was the funniest. All the boys had huge snakes painted on, like they were really tough stuff. What did I get?
A butterfly!!!



I thought it was so pretty, I wore it to work the rest of the day.
The best part was this girl, about 9 or 10 walked up to our booth and I commented on her lovely face painting. She smiled and said thankyou. She kept comming back around, and when her class was leaving, she came up to me, thanked me, and just kind of stood there.
I held open my arms and she came and gave me a hug! I told her how nice it was meeting her, and that I hoped that she had a happy Valentines day.
It was so nice to know that one little compliment had made her day. She sure made mine.
Driving home, I couldn't help but think about how this was really close to not happening. I was the only one signed up, and I had to go, person to person, and ask them to come with me. Alot of people didn't want to go, and I can see why.
Yes, its scary volunteering where you don't know anyone.
Yes, its scary to have the abused kids right up in front of you, so that you can't ignore it.
Yes, it is terrifying, but these kids have only known hardship and sadness; they need to see the good in the world. It never hurt anyone to be a little uncomfortable.

V. Day or D. Day?

So I wonder if I will be getting anything for Valentines day? I know I shouldn't get my hopes up because he doesn't have alot of money, but at the same time, we have been through a lot this year. I don't know what to hope for! I haven't gotten him anything, but I still kind of want some flowers or something. :)We'll see.