Matt and I went for the second time this winter cross country skiing. I know it doesn't sound like alot, but it is two more times than we went last winter, and 2 more things more we did outside than last summmer, so I am psyched!
I am glad we went, but yesterday, when I woke up, skiing was the last thing I wanted to do. Actually, the last thing was spending time with hubby, but when it is only you two skiing,it comes down to being the same thing.
I don't know why, mabye it is the new year thing and the pressure of time, but I have been feeling sooo depressed lately. From the moment I wake up, to the moment I go to bed, I just have a feeling of abandonment. Even though he is right there, I keep living in September. I can't shake it off, no matter how hard I try. I know matt gets mad because he has been trying these last months to make it up to me, and hasn't done anything since september, but I still feel like it just happened, and the weight of it is crushing down on me. Sometimes, it is like I can't breathe.
Last night my family came and stayed with us. They were on their way back from Iowa, and were off first thing this morning to go back home. Even though they were here for such a little period of time, my heart broke as they left. I want to go back to being a kid again! I want to go back before everything, and tell myself what I know now. Would it make a difference?
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